Being part of IIUM

IIUM vs UiTM

I had commence my duty as Assistant Director on 1st October 2009.. after 2 weeks old in Johor Port Authority.. As Sir Jasmindar (iCIMB Sdn. Bhd.) once said.. "Never hope for green grass at the next field". After all, as I reported my duty as Administrative Officer (Research Officer), I can't stop this instinct telling me that I would be only 2 weeks there. Allah knows the best.. He test me to be far away and teach me to become nearer to HIM.

Exactly end of my 2nd week there, I received call from IIUM. I had decided to go because its nearer and it provide me pleasant environment since I am more familiar with the area and places. When my mom told me that I was called by UiTM to be a lecturer.. something in me, rejecting it.. but I decided to give a try.

Out of three candidates whom being interviewed, I am the one who being rejected. Obviously because they see my jobs histories.. Jumping from 1 place to another. How do you expect guys.. Money and secure job, I would prefer secure. I never had luck in UiTM cause I think HE knows that I would not able to deliver the lecture well if I am being placed under this Uni. (some people might know why..)

Next, when I step down my car, I pray to ALLAH, if this is the right place which could help me placed myself well, please let me away from any offer. However, few days back, I was so much pleased that I was called for an assessment at INTAN, Jalan Elmu to be evaluate for my one and only ambition I have and I steadfast to(since I was in Form 1)... you can guess right?

I am preparing myself.. not too prepare.. but trying to do the best. After 2 months old.. Hopefully after I manage to finish preparing proposal on how to enhance service delivery in IIUM, Centre for Postgraduate Studies, I would be cherished by a very good news from INTAN.. Credit to all my friends who make du'a for me.. special credit to Azua Hanim Mohd Said, Aizat Omar, Nor Azurah Muhamad Julaini, Nurulezza Idris, Baba. My lovely friend, Mama Yana.. I hope you still maintain with your current life and be much more better under HIS guidance.. I am overwhelmed with gratitute cause I was thankful that I found you guys..

Please other people who drop into this blog.. pray for me.. My new friends, Shamo and Iz, thanks for your own way of making mylife sweeter and brighter with your friendship.. Hope one day, we'll catch up in real life, InsyaAllah.

May this appreciation reached you guys in a best of health and iman by HIS graceful, InsyaAllah.

Family would be the prior.. Ma, Abah, adik2.. ijat, aji, ayi, nana, ewa and rezza.. Please do not stop praying for me.. May Allah bless you in whatever you are doing..

Love me, love me not.. I still love you guys..

When the uncertainty caught u by chance

Lately, I was too busy to share my life routine in this blog. This case should be published 2 weeks ago. I was eagerly checking on something in my friend handphone..

Suddenly, she received a message.. I decided not to open it. But she allowed me. I could see her face full of curiosity on who sent the sms. I was too shocked when it comes from people that we could treat as "the entity". This entity had just blew her from his life and now, they are still messaging as such nothing happened.

This sharing blog just for us to learn from experience and try not to spell the same wrong doing. I was a girl that never fall in love seriously towards man.. Of course not to woman.. I am straight.. Usually, I was caught in the situation where I am not able to fall in love and there were obstructions towards it.

Whenever I have the intention, there is something hurdle me. Since I was a kid, I decided to build up my own confident on myself. Any person will not able to bring me down. I always adjusting myself so that I will not feel such bad feelings: frustrated, sad towards people. Therefore, most of my life as I grew older, I try to avoid any human being who might cause destruction to mylife.

I had practicing this long time ago and I am capable enough to gone through the life. In fact, I felt that people who connected to me (in present) are the important things rather than people I knew after my age past 25.

I try my best to preserve my feeling from being hurt. Whenever there are someone out there get to know me. I will always put at least 50% trust on them. Why I am sharing this is because, my friend which I mentioned in the very beginning was a very good girl and this entity had openly take this naive girl into dilemma. Being introduced to each other for couple months. The sms put them into serious long distance relationship and it last few days after they met.

Until now, I just don't get the opportunity to have man talk with him. Perhaps one day, it might happen. People might differ from each other but she always claimed that she could handle it right. But to me, the true observation just telling me this all fake. Please, sometime we need intervention from third party and we have to listen to them.

Think wise and discuss it deliberately with people surround you. It might or might not help. but there is nothing wrong to give a shot on it.

Johor Port Authority.. I am leaving..

Guys, we have 2 days left to gone through the fasting month. Yesterday, I was eagerly and excitedly urged ewa to break fasting at Jusco, Permas Jaya. Perhaps, it’s really challenging when we had accidentally pass the junction we supposed to enter. We caught in a lousy jam area where none of them are considering each other. Is this what they learnt after fasting the whole day? The parking entrance was really confusing as there was other area that using sign and colours which looks similar with Jusco entrance. Again, we had to make one round turn to be at the exact place. And guess what? As we entering the parking lots.. We both just could not covered our shocking feeling when the parking lot only being occupied by several cars… Aisey.. best nyer kalu Mid Valley, Gardens, One Utama, Pavillion, Bukit Bintang, Lot 10 macam ni.

We decided to have our dinner at KFC.. Commercial fast food place. Again, the same things happen. Only 5 tables were sited. After couple minutes, the half of it was fully sited. It seems like we want to have grand shopping here. Slowly take a visit from store to store and finally to the Jusco.. Aisey!! The most boring Jusco in the world.. Only located in 1 floor, all department store are segregate by one tiny walking path.. Erm.. so damn boring and frustrating.. No wonder, there isn’t any signboard promoting the place. Erm.. today, I am trying by hard remember the way to Senibong before left from here. The views offer here are more likely at Muara, Port Klang or Tanjung Piai or KUKUP.. view of port..

Even though the foods do not taste so good and fresh, I just want to feel like in my own place. Kind of phsyco right? Let see in Pokok Kelapa area.. How does it taste? In JPA, I successfully build up group of newcomers consist of Ezat, Zahari, Norzie, Azron, Kamariah and Tuan Rahman. Tuan Rahman really help me on lodging matters when no one are able to assist me on it. Norzie on JPA culture, Ezat on making me calm and steady, Ri makes me enjoying the sadness of being lonely and Kamariah with her nonstop eating style and making my life alive each day. Dear Azron, the one and only guy who always asked me which one is the person whenever he sent a letter at my department.

And few days back, I got to know one guy via JPA email.. hahaha.. erm.. He is quite friendly and Bugise. At least got friend to talk with through this mail chatting. Thanks for giving hand and assistance guys.. and the new guy named Syahkhairul.. hahaha.. I’ve state your name, means no turning back.. Do us part.. Do not lost contact. Faizal was to naïve to talk.. He didn’t talk much and most of the time he would prefer to loiter (lepak) at LIBRARY. Next, Encik Khalid.. the only words come out his mouth each morning was “Morning”. Hakim, used to claim that he was foreigner and breaks the stay air by asking whether I will be going out for lunch during lunch hour. Din, the first man in the department I used to urge in order to fix my quarters. Fida (Rafidah), erm.. reminds me of my friend. Very energetic person. I just regret since I do not have more time to corporate with her as a team. Puan Shasha, never met her since the orientation week. We’ve got few minutes to chat pertaining to my resignation letter.(today).

Liza, would be a pleasant girl whom always there thinking of ways to cheer me up. At last, she insists me to plug in my PC. It do help me girl! Suhanapi (Pi) seems to be serious guy and good in IT. I could not recall the other guy coz he seems not too friendly but I assumed that he is caring person. Next, is wawa person whom usually being misunderstood by Norzie as our friend (Norazwa). She had unpleasant face but very helpful. Sometimes moods. Hahaha.. Encik Khairi, CC helps me on parking and few admin forms. Mona leza.. person I first known when I touch down JPA. She can be considered my junior but my senior in JPA. Haahha.. UM students.. It’s like UM Alumni when she, GM and few more top management comes from University of Malaya. Erm, forgot to mention Kak Ana, the orientation leader, Kak Norini (librarian who lend me her password when I need to surf the net), Kak Mas (counter), Makcik cleaner.. She knew me resigning before Hakim… It do surprise me.. Gossip makcik! Kak Ayu, never chat longer.. Maybe the stay air make me felt uncomfortable with her.. Looks too serious.

Next, at last but not least… finance department. Erm.. Pak Teh, thanks for the stationeries, Kak Zainon for the medical checkup slip but I tend not to waste JPA money by making the medical checkup at Penawar. I will make mine at Govt hospital or at Pusrawi, KL. Kak Nita(Hasnita) the most challenging experience in having her signature during orientation week. She was ok but, but there is one girl interrupting the event. I think she wanted to catch our intention on her.. but she doing it not in a proper way.. How come you trying to make jokes or pulling people legs.. or whatever similar meaning to it by asking some of the newcomers who seems to carry Officer title, by right anyone won’t deserve to be humiliate by asking them to kiss the bottom of your foot! We are not serving you as your slave anyway. Be more cautions and have more humanity touch in your heart.

Now, I was being appointed to be Admin Officer in IIUM under Center for Postgraduate Studies. Who ever need my assistance, do not hesitate to contact me. Nice to be in Johore, at least if one day people ask me ‘bout Johore especially on port matters, I do have ideas on it.. With head held high, I was too proud to announce myself JOHOREAN. Hahaha… I will bring along all the sweet and sweat memories of being a family of JPA.

Being far for 2 weeks at Pasir Gudang, Johor

15 September 2009
I’m still sitting at the rejected furniture which hardly to define how uncomfortable I am with this place. Being assigned to a new PC a little bit brighten my day. Today, I was shocked by good news saying that I had passed my PTD examinations after 9 times sitting the examination. However, I won’t dare not to take the opportunity given by IIUM to be part of theirs. I really hope I could improve my conversation in English. I can speak but I have walls confine me. I have lack of confident. People might see I am not too bad but I just can’t help myself to be ashame of my diction. I am so much not me if you met me personally. Even, my immediate boss, Puan Shasha seems not having much confident on me when she tend to ask me whether I can converse in English.
I have to prepare and work hard on it. I want to be a PTD.. MCS!! Malaysian Civil Service. I don’t know whether I am capable enough for this.. But it is my target since I was young… to be government servant. Currently, I was 1 month old at Johor Port Authority.. Try to adjusting myself with government culture. What I can say, I was stunned with the culture honestly.. They seem to be over welcome… I was asked to shake hand and kiss her hand during orientation week. And for me it is not a big deal to me. However, after the orientation, this women approached me and asking me if I am willing to kiss her “tapak kaki” if I am still seeking for people signature. Do I look that stupid? How could they attempt people like that?
After 2 weeks buried myself praying for HIS mighty to guide me and provide me patient dealing with such people in the organization, I was called by IIUM. It was a great opportunity which I would not let it pass. Now, ever since I noticed, I still lost in my own desk… isolated from others. Experience in people place really taught me everything.. Everywhere I go, only HE is the best place for me to claim everything, expressing every single sadness and loneliness.
Till now and then, I kept on searching for place to be better Muslim than me now. I am so glad to be born as Muslim. And I will explained how HE guide me from lost and sometimes arguing of HIS doing till HE then guide me and HE make it comes true of what I am praying for. I don’t dare of losing HIS attention and I will try to do my best for HIM. HE always there and I am thankful for giving me such honor, trusting me. Dear Allah, how I am thankful for your existence and guidance.

Inductions Course for MOHE staffs

Yesterday, I met my friend whom are having 2 weeks Induction course at one of the hotel located in the middle of the Kuala Lumpur City Center. They started the course on last Sunday. It seems like just three days relaxing from being a lecturer. I was at first so impressed with them. How they are too talented that make them being selected and appointed as government servant or in more specific, being a lecturer.

What makes them demoralize? At first, they were too excited to enhance their knowledge. Then, only three days out of 2 weeks, they started to mumbling, they started to complaining the talks were boring and not related to their works or scope of works. Last night, I was so disappointed with the government. Why they got the job where else much more out there dying and too devoted to be government servants. like me.. hahaha.. Why they usually easily got what they want without facing big hassle towards it? Why me, from degree trying hard to make myself active in all programs and obtained not too low marks which seems still capable for the post, not having a chance on it?

Some of them don't even know how to organize events, do not even like sports (like what they announced all the govt servant should be proactive). Sometimes, I thought they are better in English till make them suitable for lecturer post. But what I experienced, teaching Mathematic- this fellow, pronounced remainder (balance/baki) as reminder. How do their students gonna take it right?

A part from that, they always proud to be what they are. They were trained to held up high their head with biggest name tag with black background.. Yes!! I am the government officer..

Last night I have read something about how to preserves the quality. Citra Karya book emphasize on office landscaping whenever talk bout how to sustain good people perspective towards the organization. And I did read clause saying how important their attire. I could not deny this but.. but they should more focus on the service delivery because.. The too much attire might make public have more negative thinking if they failed to deliver the services well.

Its a reality and I think you guys might agreed with me. Government should try to eliminate negative perspective that always come out the public mind when they frustrated with the services. Orang Kerajaan biasalah melaram nombor satu.. kerja satu tak jalan. Its hurt my feeling not because of the words that came out of their mouth, but because I am one of the voters of recent govt.

Please resign and stop wasting public money. Paying salary to someone whom not suit for it. They sometime deliberately show off in public where else if we know them in details, they are just the clerk of the office. Spending times more on chit chatting and eating.. Adoi.. stop it..

I wonder which leader can be strict to his/her subordinate. Yes, we did not practicing circus organization type where implies zero defect method however, to be more liberal, we should by now thinking of enhancing the capabilities. Why should we kept on asking for contract Grade 44 services? Why don't we focusing on making the recent officer being the best.. This should flows correctly. Lets the generation continues.. Producing leaders not leader.

At last but not least, coming post would be details on types of organizations and which categories we want our organization fall in.

Friends experience make me more beware

Now, if before I had storied lots on marriage arrangement. Today, I wanted to continue it. I experienced something that we could share. Don't ever asked your parents or family for candidates on your behalf. You know why? Whenever they got the green light, they might use it without care of your feelings.

I never said that this is a wrong doing. No, it is not. However, believe me. If you are being introduce, they are actually think that the arrangement is successful especially if it comes to be from naive person who never bother to get married.

I just jotting down my feelings not this fellow feeling. Trust me, if they want you to meet someone, they are actually already forecast for next solemnization for the family.
It happen. really. Its do happen. For Malay especially, the family will already thinking of suitable month for engagement. Then, they start to forecast for the wedding ceremony.

In order to make it become reality, your parents and siblings might seek for family supports. One by one of your uncle or any person that seems to be close to you will start do their part. Saying bout the guy/gal kindness, goodness and start to persuade you towards short circuit love and sparkle your thinking bout marriage.

This would be rise sooner after you met the fellow. erm.. Bila nak kawen? Cepat2 la nnt tak sempat nak tengok (for older people-sorry mak long) nak me sponsor hantaran? kalu u kawen, we all guarantee buat besar-besaran, dia baik orangnya, nak tunggu apa lagi, alah.. mak lang pun bercinta lepas kawen.. hahahaha apart from that, you will start pushing yourself to accept him/her. Please.. You are old enough to decide for yourself. They can suggest but they shouldn't be given the right to leads you. You, yourself to decide. not them actually.

Think carefully, for man. Although you have the quota, you should take responsibility towards woman feelings. If you got to know someone by your parents, show your willingness towards her and if you got married, think of her feelings whenever you start going out with other gal (friends) behind of her back. This is not right. Ive witness few of this in the real life. Its do make me afraid of getting string attachment with guy.

If you are gal, obviously if you are a naive gal. Do not put him full of trust. He might be good with family, with friends physically but try to investigate how his routine of life and why A MAN could not get HIS mate and need parents assistant. If only you clearly know him, then you can proceed. Know him not through your parents, his parents, his-himself but from people surround him. Get to know his friends, housemates, office mates and so forth.

I know Im not perfect, I am just sharing my thoughts and friends experienced. Those experienced do make me feel bad towards love especially marriage arrangement. Never thought this could happen. After knowing how to use blog and be blogger, I felt release and I start enhance my capability towards drafting paperworks as my ideas easily flow without need to be hardly extracted. GOOD LUCK.. For u for me (Randy Jackson) this is a simple way of being far apart.

Seeking for advice..

This is a story for us to share, to understand and to feel what will we do if this situation happened to be on us..

She is a friend of mine. We had known each other for more than six years. This fellow is a good person and always be others friends reference or best counselor of all problems that we faced. Somehow, this girl is actually too naive of love for herself.

She got introduced to one guy which she never met before and I also could not identify what is their status now. However, few days back. I had met her after couple months and she was totally differ from before. She is now getting slimmer and whenever I asked, she claimed that she need to loose her weight due to health problems.

However, as friend whom seems to know her six years ago, she never this rigid in terms of diet. But, as we know, people change. The age maybe one of the key factor that contribute towards the dietary. And its undeniable. People out there whom were bigger during uni.. happened to be smaller.. but actually they still couldn't beat me. haha.. whatever it is.. to her.. GOOD LUCK.. Are u getting married gal?? please update me!

Get to know someone..

I was being introduced to someone last week by someone whom I could rather treat him like dad than friend.. I usually treat all my male friends as my brother, younger brother, uncle or dad.. This is where the problem start. Its hard for me to build a differ relationship than family relationship. Why? Till now, I was caught in my box saying that I am too young for that.

Lets talk bout people whom I used to get close.. I meant guy.. Start from age as early as 10 years old.. urm.. that time, I am old enough for this.. hahaha.. He came and be my closest friend. We used to share a lot of things since we sat beside each other during primary school.. and I was glad during that time we (children) still too obsessed with religious matter. Boy and girl could not touch each other..

As far as I concerned, we had been together (unofficially) for 4 years. Until we were in form 1, he decided to sort of declaring it.. in other words couple..Erm.. I started not to believe with this kind of love love thing when just few weeks heading PMR, he decided to break off.. Man... always be man.. haha.. I won't let those frustrated feelings override myself.. and I managed to pass with flying colours where else he had not successfully pass it.

I start to learn many things.. I started to work harder.. buried myself on studying make myself busy so that I am not thinking of any relationship. So far, he was the one who kept on leaving in my mind.. Not because I am waiting of him.. It just the one who responsible towards making me successful and making me not to trust in love.

Since then, I knew few people but they never left me deep feeling towards them.. What makes me more grateful is when I never went out just two of us.. or being holding hand together.. haha I still preserved it for the one who deserve it.. People might say I am Orthodox.. but I am proud with what I have now.

I am looking for a sincere guy who able to take all responsibility of being the man in the house.. This is not time for us to participate in any risky childish love story.. but it is for us to make our own never ending love..

To me, love does not end after we get married.. It will spur it and make it more memorable. In fact this love might make the respective couple appreciate and enjoy every moment they had together and plan more moments in future.

Bintang Dilangit Jangan Dihitung

Pernah ku rasa dendam derita
bermain cinta ku cuba jua
patah hati tak membuat menjadi cerah
biarlah hanyut badan ke laut
asal sebiduk dengan si dia
dalam badai asmara cinta

tak perlu engkau ambilkan pisau
tak perlu aku belah dadamu
kerana aku telah tahu isi hatimu
mata bertemu saling memandang
dalam hati rasa bergoncang
karna cinta jua nan datang

c/o
bila nasib belum beruntung
bintang dilangit jangan dihitung
sebelum sakit jangan termenung
mari gembira dan bersenandung (2x)

Putus asmara pedih ku rasa
Bermain cinta ku cuba jua
patah hati tak membuat menjadi cerah
biarlah hanyut badan ke laut
asal sebiduk dengan si dia
dalam badai asmara cinta

tak perlu engkau ambilkan pisau
tak perlu aku belah dadamu
kerana aku telah tahu isi hatimu
mata bertemu saling memandang
dalam hati rasa bergoncang
karna cinta jua nan datang

repeat c/o (2x)

LOVE IS NICE THING.. BUT WONT LASTING.. THAT FOR SURE..

Its a wonderful nite.. At last, we managed to gather together.. Had dinner in Pak Li Kopitiam at Sect. 18, Shah Alam.. The fried rice with lemon chicken was the best menu there (to me).. Ayi was influenced by me to order another plate.. It was my dad and me birthday celebration.. the next day, they bought us walnut brownies from Secret Recipe.. erm.. i love it so much!

Special thanks to Azua for the wonderful nite at Nailis, Nana and Aisyah for the adorable Swatch, Ewa for the chubby green bear, Ma for the lovely Shirt and warm wishes from everyones that I love.. Thanks!

Thanks to you guys... Next, I'll share present that I received...

When History Repeat Itself, What Should We Do?

Having friends surround us would be the most wonderful moments. Perhaps we will try our best to maintain the friendship. When history repeated, what should we do? It's about a friend of mine.. who caught in the dilemma between best friend and best buddy..

Few years ago, she got best friend.. She willing to share anything with her.. and they were too close till others curious on their friendship status.. She tried hard to keep the friendship long lasting.. Until they were tear apart by time and situation.. One being sent to Malacca and she was left to further study area Klang Valley.

They still close until one of them admitted that she was now in a relationship with one guy that her best friend knew. This Q (the girl whom already had a couple)was so excited bout the new relationship built. However her friend L, didn't like it as much as she did. There were few bad history that made L felt that way. They still kept in touch.. and the close friendship changed to normal friendship. Q decided to spend more time with the guys and other friend that she felt more happening and understanding than L.

Years by years, Q started to tighten the relationship by marrying with the same guy. The sad part is, L was the last to be invited to the wedding(verbally). Now, L came through almost the same situation. Her close friend tend to make a relationship with guy that she didn't like. L was really caught into dilemma.. If she deny the relationship, she might not get invited to the wedding (1 consequences). If she bless it with close heart, she might badly injured inside.

Until know L keep on emailing me, messaging me seeking for advice. Nothing much I can do. Be patient and hoping for the BEST. Good luck to L.. To me, she should not close to anyone after she was dumb and left for 2 times. Learn from history. Please!

Conclusion that can be made:
Although friendship is everything.. L should not too obsess with her friend. One day, they will left a black spot which u, yourself could not believe its done by ur best friend. Its true... Friendship can be deny by a single person called Man/Woman.

Think wise.. Search for many friends, do not pick one as best friend.. I also learn from mistake and learn much from this story..

Marriage Arrangement

Only certain people could access this blog. Those who can, please treat it as place for us to share feelings and thoughts. I woke up one morning wasn’t know what will happen in next few seconds, couple minutes, numbers of hours and days. I was stunned by a single phone call telling me bout marriage arrangement by family..

Asking myself, do I in a world of dream, I keep on asking was it true? The shivering voice shows me how frightened the person was. The fact is, how people nowadays, willing to sacrifice their life just because they are afraid of making a wrong decision.

Obeying family decision is not bad but towards certain circumstances, we need to have our own stand. I was so down when person I respect due to his/her stand in deciding decisions, fall to be the most naïve person in deciding for himself/herself.

Now I wonder, why this happen. Yesterday 3R provide few reasons..
Pressure that lies among married friends
Family excitement on organizing the occasion.
Parents concerning if their children status among friends and due to religious perspective

No matter what the reasons are, please bear in mind.. This person will be the only person that we will live days and nights… For men, they deserve multiple choice.. For women, think wise.. Don’t ever let the situation push you towards it.. The crown should be preserve to person that really deserve for it..

Marriage is not only for us to complete the religious and human needs. It is bout sharing life from half complete to fully complete.. If the marriage link us to problems.. I don’t think our couple is the best for us.. Find others.. He is not the ONE..

If before, we should be more rational in deciding bout life, now you are not rational just because He treat you right for this couple months..

Again.. Don’t trust chatting people.. and anyone whom you know accidentally and coincidently… Haha..

Caught in Dilemma

Most people wonder, whether their relationship or friendship might last forever..
Some of them proudly said they manage to make it happen..

A short story to be shared..

People walk in and out of our life.. We could not stop them to pass by our life.. its a true fact
which we unable to deny.. He comes out of sudden.. Never know who he is.. but he is expected to
be a new person to be consider now and later..

The hardest part is when you couldn't accept the existence.. He is not welcome but has to be consider. When comes to people life, we have to acknowledge people surround them.. not them by themselves.. Why he could not obey this simple rule? He won't be part of me.. that for sure.

Until now, I never admit his existence.. It might be the best choice among others, but not to me.. Hardest part is when people we love are not welcoming our thoughts and perceptions. All we can do is pray and hope for the best..

This usually happen to life.. Hurting others to make others happy.. If before, we try to treat this situation as experience to be learn, now we are acting towards what had happened before..

As referred to the previous situation, I will be the victim of the situation.. I hate him and he is actually the biggest HERO of the family.. nothing much I can do to eliminate him of the family..

In fact, I am not part of the family.. the lousy part to admit and state clearly.. that is the reason why me felt so isolated.. although we shared the same red blood.. we could not hide the truth and the power of the actual bloodline.

I am now hoping for HIM to decide the best for me.. not for them.. If He still the ultimate choice left, they didn't left me any choice.. Allah the mighty, with all the hope and truth and love, send me far from this. Only you know the fact how I could not accept this.. Hoping to be send far from people I love, for me to regain my soul and be more energetic and more independent..

How could I too stubborn to at least see his goodness and kindness? I try my best.. and still the childishness make me hate him so much.. I don't think he is the one.. but I am not HIM to decide what the best..

Let's talk bout other things later..

Better be more careful, next time..

I met one guy and one gal through YM which me myself never known them ever before..
Out of nowhere, they add me and I accidentally approved them since I thought they are friends of mine..
After knew them for pass 2 months.. I felt comfortable to carry on the friendship we've tight. I do really enjoy talking to them.. We can freely talk when we want/during free time.. even sometimes stay silent couple months due to our tight schedule and working stuff...

I am a very conservative person which means, hardly go out with stranger.. should I be more open minded??
I thought wanted to try it but the case happened to my foster brother had made me standing still to my stand. He used to trust guy which he had known for 4-6 months and out of sudden, this guy kidnapped him and he almost killed due to the trust he put on that guy.. and it coz him total lost amount of RM20K!

I had lost contact with almost all of my high school friends.. Dunno where should I begin.. I dunno whether I was d one to be blame.. but the weird thing is.. friend that I never contact since I left SMK Project, Section 11, sent me her wedding card! I am so overwhelmed... But I can't managed to go there.. (Shikin.. thanks for the invitation!! love u gal!)

Next story would be bout my best friend.. use to be.. I dunno whether I am still her bestfriend or not.. She married few months ago and I did not be the most busiest gal which I supposed to be as we planned it during the old days.. I only be there when people packing things into boxes (when the wedding ended).. The postman should be blamed.. I didn't get her invitation card and since it held in a hall.. I dun think I should go.. Afraid if I dun have seat if I attend it.. haha.. lousy thinking.. but I got called saying dat only 1 seat left if only I wanna attend it.. haha.. should I be invited dat way? I was a lil bit upset but I got personal call from her on dat precious day.. inviting me.. I straight away rushing back to Shah Alam and only arrived at 5.30pm.. Although I could not be by her side dat day.. at least.. she remembered me.. Thanks yaar!!

Now, a story of my next best friend during her wedding day.. I got the invitation card diz time.. haha.. I tried to attend her "akad nikah day". Here, the day went so horrible.. She several time asking me to design her dowry but last minute.. not so last minute... she cancelled it. I went to her akad nikah day but I can't fine the exact mosque where the event took place.. so, I straight away went to her house.. There was no one welcome us. I take it positively by thinking dat they were busy handling and arranging foods onto the table.. I just kept myself sitting at a round table, in the middle of the tent. After slumber drinking the orange juice provided there, I felt left out.. and invisible person.. Suddenly, a group of middle age guy reciting doa.. (I dunno the purposed of doing it since the bride and bridegroom still at the mosque) maybe they knew that the guy had pass through the "lafaz akad nikah". Then, this goup start taking foods (buffet) and I heard her sister (I know her but may be she didn't-perhaps she not).. calling the groups at the mosque to came back asap.. The worst part is.. we never be invited to touch the foods.. This isolated situation had create so called b****** environment. But it ok.. I still behaved well there.. We get back to our car and the couple arrived.. I just met her out of her wedding tent to say I am sorry coz can't attend her akad nikah. Its raining and her family so worried if she get cold if she spending more minutes out there. I wont blamed them. Next day, I still there only for makan-makan.. and then after taking 2 pix (credit to her beloved bro) I send my regards to her mother.(wondering of the sambal tempoyak her mum alwiz made for me).. I got invitation to follow the trip to bridegroom place but after all the experienced I had.. I can't bare it any longer.. haha..

Am I the one to be blame? Both of this friend are very close friend of mine.. so close.. but we did not do our part till the relationship got loosen and slowly separate us.. After all, I met this sister and she had guide me more to Islamic way.. hahahaha.. she is my foster sister.. but lots of things happened.. I dunno why.. It seems like someone trying to make my life horrible and suffering chronically.. HE alwiz be with me!! Nothing might happen.... InsyaAllah..