Being far for 2 weeks at Pasir Gudang, Johor

15 September 2009
I’m still sitting at the rejected furniture which hardly to define how uncomfortable I am with this place. Being assigned to a new PC a little bit brighten my day. Today, I was shocked by good news saying that I had passed my PTD examinations after 9 times sitting the examination. However, I won’t dare not to take the opportunity given by IIUM to be part of theirs. I really hope I could improve my conversation in English. I can speak but I have walls confine me. I have lack of confident. People might see I am not too bad but I just can’t help myself to be ashame of my diction. I am so much not me if you met me personally. Even, my immediate boss, Puan Shasha seems not having much confident on me when she tend to ask me whether I can converse in English.
I have to prepare and work hard on it. I want to be a PTD.. MCS!! Malaysian Civil Service. I don’t know whether I am capable enough for this.. But it is my target since I was young… to be government servant. Currently, I was 1 month old at Johor Port Authority.. Try to adjusting myself with government culture. What I can say, I was stunned with the culture honestly.. They seem to be over welcome… I was asked to shake hand and kiss her hand during orientation week. And for me it is not a big deal to me. However, after the orientation, this women approached me and asking me if I am willing to kiss her “tapak kaki” if I am still seeking for people signature. Do I look that stupid? How could they attempt people like that?
After 2 weeks buried myself praying for HIS mighty to guide me and provide me patient dealing with such people in the organization, I was called by IIUM. It was a great opportunity which I would not let it pass. Now, ever since I noticed, I still lost in my own desk… isolated from others. Experience in people place really taught me everything.. Everywhere I go, only HE is the best place for me to claim everything, expressing every single sadness and loneliness.
Till now and then, I kept on searching for place to be better Muslim than me now. I am so glad to be born as Muslim. And I will explained how HE guide me from lost and sometimes arguing of HIS doing till HE then guide me and HE make it comes true of what I am praying for. I don’t dare of losing HIS attention and I will try to do my best for HIM. HE always there and I am thankful for giving me such honor, trusting me. Dear Allah, how I am thankful for your existence and guidance.